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Arsenal-Barcelona can go one of three ways
Was there any Arsenal fan that did not see this coming? A 2 legged tie against Barcelona can only go one of three ways – Glorious Failure, Absolute Humiliation or Improbable, Bewildering Victory....
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In league of blind men, Arsenal bank on Ozil-vision
We’ve almost reached the halfway point, so enough time has passed for me to declare the Premier League mental. Call it the banter era, the Moneyball era, the Mahrdy party, whatever you like; the entire...
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The Good, the Bad, and the Chelsea
Hindsight is a compliant geisha that one can use to justify narratives however tenuous, but I still maintain that I had seen this coming. In 13-14, Arsenal sat joint-top of the Premier League, grinding...
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Arsenal 0-0 Southampton: From sunshine-made hay to Groundhog Day
Well, I had called it. The good thing about being an inveterate pessimist is that expectations post disappointments are quickly recalibrated: title-race mode changes to race-for-fourth mode in the...
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Arsenal’s break-or-break-later Leicester weekend
All of television is billing this weekend’s Arsenal-Leicester game as a blood-pounding make-or-break showdown between an intrepid David and a Goliath with an identity crisis. While I’m not understating...
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Let’s try and enjoy this night of unbridled terror
Like a cocktail of vinegar and vermouth, Arsenal’s last week has been decidedly mixed. A nerve wracking but immensely enjoyable last-gasp scuppering of Leicester meant that Arsenal hung on to the...
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Can United get into Europe with the kids?
It’s a gloriously sunny Saturday morning and I’m fresh off watching the highlights from United’s amazing, clinical, jogo bonito style wins over the mighty Shrewsbury Town and FC Midtjylland. It is fair...
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Wenger to replace Walcott with old cafeteria lady
Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger is all set to replace Theo Walcott with Loretta Laguerta, a sprightly octogenarian who manages the London Colney cafeteria, it has emerged. This decision was taken after...
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Wenger says FA Cup is useless anyways
Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger has declared the FA Cup the ‘Nickelback of football trophies’ in the aftermath of his team’s defeat to Watford in the quarter finals. The Frenchman entered the press room...
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Michael Bay secures film rights to Arsenal end-of-season collapses
American filmmaker Michael Bay has secured the film rights to Arsenal’s end-of-season collapses, according to reports. Bay, who narrowly edged out Rohit Shetty and the National Centre for Disaster...
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Claudio Ranieri absolutely mental, according to reports
The footballing world should take a moment to consider how absolutely mental Claudio Ranieri is, according to reports. The avuncular Italian has guided unheralded Leicester City to a historic Premier...
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Wenger admits he’s too busy playing Pokémon Go to care about transfers
Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger has admitted he ‘doesn’t give a fish’s tit’ about the transfer window because he is too busy playing Pokémon Go. The Gunners boss has been seen whipping out his cut-price...
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Wembely confused why Americans find ‘soccer’ boring
Fans at Wembley stadium were left confused by all the fuss about British sports being boring after NFL teams Washington Redskins and Cincinatti Bengals played out a boring 27-27 draw after a 60-minute...
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Arsenal fans start petition to remove November from calendar year
Arsenal fans have started a petition to remove November from the calendar year for football fixtures, it has emerged. The Gunners have historically struggled in November, have a tough set of fixtures...
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My First Time: PSG, Arsenal, and the home fans
Walrus and Guy are best friends on a trip to Europe. For reasons that we needn’t delve into right now, they’ve been separated. Guy’s going all over Europe searching for him. Coincidentally, he’s also a...
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Non-vintage United, very vintage Zlatan
As the sole representative for the United half of this blog (that’s right, we have given up on hoping we still have a Liverpool and Chelsea contingent), there is much to do in terms of single-handedly...
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